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COMPUTERS
At Microsoft, no-one can hear you scream...
An *actual* bug report (from a friend at Microsoft).
Bug # Status Title
5143 ACTIVE "Build done" signal makes no sound
============ ACTIVE - 01/30/95 - MIKEBLAS ====================
Visual C++ makes an audible signal when a build completes. When no
developer is in the room, this signal doesn't make a sound. To reproduce:
1) Start a build.
2) Leave the room.
3) Note that the chime does not make a sound.
We should find a way to make the build bell make a sound even if nobody
is there to hear it.
This philosophical issue may need program management's attention before
being resolved.
============ ASSIGNED to MATTHEWT - 01/30/95 - SCOTF =========
Can we use the telepathy support in Win95 to contact whomever is logged
into the machine doing the build? Maybe we should just detect when the
developer is leaving the room and prompt for a phone number where s/he
can be reached.
How about disabling leaving the room during a build?
============ RESOLVED - BY DESIGN - 01/31/95 - MATTHEWT ======
============ ACTIVE - 02/01/95 - MARKLAM =====================
Actually, we can't do this either. The problem is that while you're out
of the room your build is neither finished nor unfinished. It stays in
a state of flux until you return and collapse the quantum uncertainty by
observing it.
Perhaps we could link the build finished event to a cat in a box?
============ ASSIGNED to HEISENBERG - 02/01/95 - MARKLAM =====
============ RESOLVED - NOT REPRO - 02/03/95 - HEISENBERG ====
I cannot repro this. I tried standing just outside my door and it made
the beep. Do I have to go further from my office? Would the mailroom
do?
============ ACTIVE - 02/03/95 - MIKEBLAS ====================
The relative position of the mailroom and your office are relatively
uncertain to me, Doctor.
Please try again:
1) start a build
2) leave your office
3) go down the hall
4) wait until you don't hear the beep
5) return to note that the build is done
I think this is how I first repro'ed the problem, but I can't remember
what I was doing to make it happen.
The idea of disabling leaving the room might be the best possible
solution, I think. When a build starts, the IDE should pop up a message
that says "There are no more Fritos" or "The kitchen has closed
early" or
"The bathroom is being cleaned" so the developer will not be tempted
to
get up and wander around.
With minimal rebuild in place, we should consider diversions that won't
take as long to remedy: "You're expecting a phone call" or "Someone
will
stop by to see you soon".
We need to think of messages that are easy to localize for VC++3.0J.
============ ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/13/95 - MARKLAM =======
To do this we'll need to avoid messages about the bathrooms and vending
machines for external releases. Perhaps some customer research is needed
to find out exactly *why* Visual C++ users leave their keyboards.
Some suggestions (including MB_ types)
Get a drink :
(i) You're out of coffee
(i) You're out of tea
(i)(i) YYoouuvv''ee hhaadd eennoouugghh
Get something to eat :
(?) You have no food, remember
/!\ You need to lose weight, fatso. Sit your ass down
Exercise etc :
(?) Did You Know - sunlight causes skin cancer
(i) With a Nordik Trak you can get a workout in front of your monitor.
Call for home delivery.
/!\ I didn't mean that about your weight
See family :
(i) They already know you love them
/!\ They'll only want money for something
/!\ Your in-laws have arrived
Call of nature :
This could be difficult. Consider supplying bed-pan or similar.
============ ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/13/95 - MARKLAM =======
============ ASSIGNED to MIKEBLAS - 02/16/95 - HEISENBERG ====
I attempted to repro this once more:
I placed my machine in the forest at the edge of the campus. I started a
'rebuild all' and ran out of the forest towards my mailroom. My build
normally takes 3 minutes. After 5 minutes I had not heard anything, so I
returned to my machine. Unfortunately a tree had fallen on it. I had not
heard that, either.
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COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM
1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
_________________
15. How tall are you? Are you above this line? __________________
16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
occurred?
______________________________________________________
17. If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.
________________________________________________________________
18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
19. How does this problem make you feel? ____________________________
20. Tell me about your childhood. ___________________________________
21. What are you wearing? _________________________________
22. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__
24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__
25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__
26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__
27. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__
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Computer Confusion
I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call
in with a smoking power supply. The service representative was having a
bit of trouble convincing this guy that he had a hardware problem.
Service Rep: Sir, something has burned within your power supply.
Customer: I bet that there is some command that I can put into the
AUTOEXEC.BAT file that will take care of this.
Service Rep: There is nothing that software can do to help you with
this problem.
Customer: I know that there is something I can put in... some
command... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS.
[After a few minutes of going round and round]
Service Rep: Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a
hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to
edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and
reboot your computer.
[Customer does this]
Customer: It is still smoking.
Service Rep: I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a
patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE.
[The customer then hung up. We thought that we had heard the last of
this guy. But NO; he calls back four hours later!]
Service Rep: Hello, Sir, how is your computer?
Customer: I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is
incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I
was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost....
Coffee Holder
Service representative gets a call from a customer
Customer: Hello, I have a problem with my PC. The coffee cup holder has
broken off the front and I want to get a new one.
Service rep: I don't know of the coffee cup attachment, can you tell me
where you got it from originally.
Customer: It came with the computer
Service rep: Can you describe it?
Customer: Yes when I have a cup of coffee I press the button and the coffee
cup holder appears.
Service rep: Has it got any writing on it.
Customer: Yes it says "CD".........
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