Absolutely Funny Jokes

A husband and a wife were out enjoying a round of golf about to tee off on
the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes.
The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice.
Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window.
Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it
into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what
happened.
When they peeked inside the house, the found no one there.
The husband called out and no one answered.
Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a
turban on his head.
The wife said, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball throught he window, knocked over the vase you
see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful," he
answered.
The wife said, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes,
the third I will keep for myself," the man replied
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes...one was for a scratch handicap
for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed.
The other was for and income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your
wife." I have not been with a woman for many years, and afterall, I have made
you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long
have you been married?"
to which she responded, "Three years."
The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" to which she responded, 31
years old."
The genie then asked, "How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer:
What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor:
I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest:
Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest:
Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow aren't they?

George:
Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight
while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here
anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest:
That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor:
Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see
if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer:
Why can't these guys play at night?